A List of Actors That Would Finally Get Me to Watch Your Silly Little 50 Hour Marvel Movies

You won’t catch me in seats for “ The Avengers 45: Electric Boogaloo” unless Kylie Minogue starts singing “Who Are We?” or something

That Adam Driver in Marriage Story, Every day I wake up and Marvel hires an actor I like to try to get me to watch their silly little 40 hour movies. Well, nice try Mr. Kevin Feige! Nice try! I won’t give in that easily! I have strength, will, self-respect (not really), and, most of all, I am stubborn, which I get from my Irish Catholic mother, and she and I haven’t had a pleasant conversation since 2017, and at this point, I can’t remember why.

Michelle Yeoh. Rachel Weisz. Elizabeth Olsen. Marisa Tomei. Tessa Thompson. Linda Cardellini. Michelle Pfeiffer. Natalie Portman. Angela Bassett. Florence Pugh. Now Olivia Colman, too! IS NO ONE SAFE??? It feels like everyone I like is being eaten up by the Marvel machine. And, I mean, good for them, get that check, and all that jazz. But if I wanted to watch ten hours of boring, bland, pale action sequences, I would buy a Sean Cody DVD.

But! I am not so stubborn that I wouldn’t admit defeat in the endless attempt to pander to me specifically! There are concessions I will make when it comes to finally watching one of these DC movies, several of which I have already fallen asleep during. These are my demands, these are the actors I would like to see that would make me finally get into your silly little comic book movies.

  1. Isabelle Huppert
  2. Juliette Binoche
  3. Kim Min-hee
  4. Jane Fonda
  5. Kylie Minogue
  6. Denis Lavant
  7. Maggie Cheung
  8. Kirsten Dunst
  9. Lee Young-ae
  10. Viola Davis
  11. Gizelle Bryant
  12. Bernadette Peters
  13. Alfre Woodard
  14. Danielle Brooks
  15. Uzo Aduba
  16. Laverne Cox
  17. Indya Moore
  18. John Early
  19. Cole Escola
  20. Chita Rivera
  21. Denée Benton
  22. Bette Midler
  23. Audra McDonald
  24. Joel Kim Booster
  25. Maya Rudolph

Snarkoleptic. Queer monster. Amateur critic. Professional snob. Freelancer. I am relieved to know that I am not a golem.

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